pre-anniversary

Driving to work today I thought about the fact that one year from now I'll be married and something funny happend. First off the smile on my face made the creepy hispanic man next to me in traffic think that I was flirting with him but besides that I got a tingly feeling in my tummy. Butterflies... something that unfortunately becomes a rarity after 7 years of friendship and a year and a half of dating your best friend. Love, even big beautiful crazy love like ours, on a daily basis becomes something subtle and incredible..a strong blue flame as opposed to fireworks. I say it becomes that because it must grow to that point. It matures to something calm and deep, not diminishes, as I"m sure it will to an epic degree in the next 30 years, God willing. In any case it's nice to know that in the midst of all that magnanimous love is a fiesty sparkler ready to crack and sizzle just as strong as ever....or maybe even in a new way every time.
It's hard not to fall into the trap of worrying that something horrible will happen in the next year to stop it all. There are so many possibilities and they are tempting to list for dramatic effect, but I wont even give them that much power. This morning was especially bittersweet when I woke up and learned of the bombings in London; an eerie reminder that our world is as sick as ever and growing more morose by the minute.

Anyway, lots to say but not time at present to say it. It's time to call my honey and help him find an apartment.

It's not about the house...it's about the home....(Maybe I'll repeat that to myself a few times before I call..... and maybe I"ll check out the IKEA website one more time...)