"Dance Gymbo Dance"

I worked all day today, and when I say all day I mean I left my house at about 8 this morning and I didnt get home till about 9 tonight. The last couple hours of that were play...actually all of it was play since thats my job but I'm tired none the less. Too tired yet again to write much with any substance and as usual I'm sure I'll be tired when Duston calls me to talk (it's already after midnight). It's hard being away from him anytime, thought thats something I've gotten somewhat used to, but its even harder being away from him when we're both so busy. We spend our days diligently doing what it is we do and then when night rolls around we have only the last few breaths of our already spent bodies to give to each other. Needless to say we spit out a few words and call it a night. I'd be lying if I said this didnt make me fear for this year, or our lives at that. I'm worried we wont ever have enough time and that will cause us to grow apart, in both cases. I feel like I need some affirmation of his love for me....why is that? Why do we feel we need something other than an actual "I love you baby". And it's not that I don't believe him, I do. I just feel like I want him to be pining for me and missing me as badly as I miss him. Anyway...in other news; I was horrible with my diet today but I'm not so upset about it. I've been so faithful lately that I figure at the very least a day of splurging will confuse my system into thinking it needs to step up the carolie burning for tomorrow and I'll end up burning more. That is if I go strictly back to the diet tomorrow. Just to show how in love with fat my body is however... I've worked out like a mad woman for 3 weeks and watched everything I've put into my mouth for atleast 2. The scale was showing that I'd lost about 3 pounds. Tonight it's telling me that I'm a pound heavier than i was when i started. Joy.

Tomorrow will be better....but I'm tired just thinking about it.