I do love him......just as I suspected

Did you ever have a dream that seemed so real, you woke up completely in shock that it was actually a dream and you spent the rest of the day trying to convince your emotions of the same thing? I had a pretty wicked one last night (and by wicked I mean disturbing not 'wickedly cool').

Preface:... before I went to bed I was having one of my moments when I feel somewhat unsure or indifferent to Duston and I's relationship. Usually I brush these off without a second thought because though infrequent in their appearances I'm pretty sure every couple experiences that from time to time. I also think being apart physically is the culpret there...that and beezebulb himself. The short of it is I was wondering if I'm really "in love".

I dreamed that Duston and I were caught in a situation with some bad guys that we didnt belong in and in being the total sweetheart that he is he got murdered; brutally slaughtered and left to die. When I discovered (in the dream) this to be the case, I was absolutely inconsolable. I was vomiting and screaming and crying so hard that I can only imagine that I was actually screaming in my sleep. The rest of the dream was me trying to actually conceive of the fact that the man I love was gone. Needless to say I was pityful and I woke up crying, partly because of the dream and partly because I was so happy to discover it was a dream.

I called him on my way to work and told him about it. He assured me that everything was ok and that he was alright and that he loved me very much. Ya know he must tell me 10 times a day that he loves me but it never sounded so beautiful as it did this morning. That feeling stayed with me all day and it made me sick everytime I remembered it. Maybe the dream was God's way of reminding me of the incredible gift I've been given, maybe it was my own subconscious pleading with my mind not to mess this up. Either way I said thank you quite a few times today. Even if God does call him home before we're old and gray, within my complete sadness there will be a subtle joy and gratitude for what I have been given. He's not mine to own, he's a gift.

That being said, I'm hoping for the 'show up at school naked' dream tonight.